Alright, well, as some of you are aware, this Rhyme Roast is a tad bit late. Two weeks late, actually. The weekend I was supposed to post this was Grifball XXP, so fuck you guys. Toktyn’s 4K experience is more important than the Roast. That excuse is legit.

The following weekend, I was just lazy and didn’t do it. So, to make up for it (and because of someone’s damn nagging to get it done), I’ve got two Roasts for you. My joy in writing these was far above normal.

This one’s for you, Adam.

He’s 20 years old with an ego 13.
Whatever you know he knows better than you.
When I polled all the nubs, one word came up most.
They all think he’s conceited. Why? Because it’s true.
If you think he’s wrong, you can’t argue with him
Without having to read walls of text.
Can anyone do anything right for this guy?
I don’t know. I’m perplexed.

“I use a Hava!”
“Yeah, well it sucks.
You have to see mine.
It’s super deluxe!”

We all know he’s conceited and pompous with a giant ego -
Making up for other sizes, this is obvious to all.
Playin Grifball, his position is sealed.
Forced to run cuz his hammer’s too small.
But he apparently isn’t even capable of that,
Listed as “other” since he’s worse than Fran,
Which is why only in the forums,
Can he try to be “the man”.
Maybe these things are Canadian traits,
Geographically north making him think he’s above.
FACT: Cities that play the most country music have the highest suicide rates.
FACT: Country music is Mr. Pisani’s musical love.

CONCLUSION: Associating with Adam increases our likelyhood of a self-inflicted death.

Wasn’t that fun? When I decided to tack on a second Roast to make up for last week, my choice was quite easy. Thanks, Menz.

He’s got a two inch dick
That would make a China-man laugh.
His average time in bed
Peaks a second and a half.
He’s got an image made by Ms. Cleo
Of some word and a Spartan with a blurry head
It says, “So fast you won’t see him coming.”
Yeah. That’s What She Said.

He’s got terrible names such as Citi, Jordan, and Menz,
But being a Minnesotan really says enough.
“Minnesota rocks! Duluth has a bridge!”
Yeah sure, ya betcha. I’m calling your bluff.

Too much of a coward to sacrifice his life,
K/D’s more crucial than the score.
He’s the most static player to play the game,
Never once been called a bomb or sword whore.
Just like Pisani he bends the rules
To suit himself and his team -
Made playoffs by a rule he claimed to exist
But no one had ever actually seen.

So this is what you get, you son of a bitch,
For nagging me to write this damn roast.
Grifball or racing you know you’ll never win,
Even if you play on your roommate’s host.

P.S. I fucked your mom.

Next week will take longer than a week. I’m going to do something different for this one, and it’ll get done when it gets done. If I’m taking too long, I’m sure some jackass will let me know.