This week’s request was none other than the all loveable Kee0n, captain of the reincarnated Spawn Bonk! “But it’s Kee0n!”, you say. “You can’t make fun of our beloved Kee0n!” Well, friends, I’ve got bad news. He’s not what we all thought he was. I present to you the truth about Kee0n.

Everyone knows Kee0n for his third person speech
And his ever so humorous attitude.
To think that anyone could roast this man
Is downright rude and crude.
He’s impossible to neg mod without
Feeling like scum or trash,
And those that have all know the pain
Of the community’s terrible wrath.
But despite the world’s unconditional love
This Kee0n still has his flaws.
He wears a disguise, despicable at best,
I know all of this undoubtedly because:

Kee0n’s a bitch and his teammates know this too!
He’s been hiding his secret for oh so long,
But now he’s been out’d and his mistakes revealed!
He can’t play a game without reporting it wrong!
Given to him by the power of waffles,
He has a hammer lunge beyond compare,
But bonk a fellow teammate and he’ll stop and laugh.
His weakness on the field if I might dare.

He’s a thief and will steal anything you’ve got,
Even if it’s just a chance for sponsorship.
He even goes to his own team page,
Trying to steal his own captainship.
He’s a 4% noob and a 3% lame
Which leaves only a small bit of him left.
What’s extra has been taken over by a girl.
Her Gamertag is “ K E E 0 Ns SxyGf ”.
Leaving my side and stealing Spawn Bonk,
Kee0n is definitely a friend to avoid.
Be careful not to let him make you laugh.
You might just encounter your first hemorrhoid.

Sad, I know, and I thought I’d finally loved someone. So please, please, please keep sending in requests so that I can destroy all of your hopes and dreams as well!

Next week on Rhyme Roast:
He’s got a hammer from hell and a funny accent. Did I mention he can’t spell?